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Jesse Hassenger

Tomatometer-approved critic
Biography:

Jesse Hassenger is a Brooklyn-based writer and critic. His work can be read at The A.V. Club, Polygon, The Week, SportsAlcohol, and others. His dumb jokes can be read on Twitter @rockmarooned.

Reviews

Movies 온라인카지노추천 Shows
The Legend of Ochi (2025) 80% 3/5 “ The soul of the movie isn’t particularly in the human/creature relationship at its center, but in the stunning craftsmanship that surrounds (and in the creature’s case, creates) them.” – Guardian Apr 25, 2025 Full Review Murder at Yellowstone City (2022) 24% “Murder is neither here nor there; not a powerful morality tale, and not much of an exploitation picture.” – Decider Apr 25, 2025 Full Review Until Dawn (2025) 51% 6.1/10 “Though the game it’s based on is of a more recent and sophisticated vintage, the movie is closer to an arcade experience: You pump in some quarters and kill some time, until one or the other runs out.” – Paste Magazine Apr 24, 2025 Full Review The Accountant 2 (2025) 78% 6.7/10 “That’s the true power of Affleck and Bernthal’s collective charm offensive: They can make a junky story about a computer-brained savior of human-trafficking victims resemble a whimsical hangout session.” – Paste Magazine Apr 23, 2025 Full Review Land of the Lost (2009) 26% “The sets and CG creatures have a kind of what-the-hell weirdness and tactility that successful recreates the show’s aesthetic on a bigger budget, while Ferrell and McBride still have room to goof around. ” – Decider Apr 14, 2025 Full Review G20 (2025) 58% 3/10 “There's not much in the way of exciting or well-staged action. All that’s left, then, are a bunch of thriller cliches and unconvincing political details.” – IGN Movies Apr 12, 2025 Full Review Drop (2025) 84% 7.1/10 “Christopher Landon pushes his style into overdrive for Drop, a neo-Hitchcockian thriller that's preposterous but entertaining.” – Paste Magazine Apr 10, 2025 Full Review Freaky Tales (2024) 74% B “It's charming to see Boden and Fleck find a less mechanical, less programmatic way to have fun.” – AV Club Apr 4, 2025 Full Review A Minecraft Movie (2025) 48% 6/10 “Thematically, A Minecraft Movie offers a pat world-is-what-you-make-it lesson, but Jack Black and Jason Momoa in particular sell it with a lot of comic enthusiasm.” – IGN Movies Apr 2, 2025 Full Review Hell of a Summer (2023) 52% 5.3/10 “The young duo has made a lightly amusing, somewhat amateurish film that’s ultimately less homage than post-it reminder: Remember to pick up an ’80s-style slasher-comedy hybrid for dinner.” – Paste Magazine Apr 2, 2025 Full Review The Woman in the Yard (2025) 44% 7.1/10 “On its terms, and especially with an ending I read as ambiguous, The Woman in the Yard is also unflinching enough to maybe count as daring, and maybe Sollet-Cerra’s most viscerally moving film.” – Paste Magazine Mar 28, 2025 Full Review A Working Man (2025) 49% 2/4 “The movie’s steady supply of working-class posturing is a bit much, even for the genuinely and charmingly rough-hewn Statham.” – Guardian Mar 27, 2025 Full Review The Alto Knights (2025) 40% C “Anything that comes across like a deleted scene from Scorsese provides welcome jolts of laughter to the otherwise dry proceedings. ” – AV Club Mar 27, 2025 Full Review Ash (2025) 74% 6.7/10 “It’s heavy on the red filters, flashes of faces melting, and some knockabout point-of-view shots, all designed to let the initial sci-fi trappings bleed into cosmic horror.” – Paste Magazine Mar 20, 2025 Full Review Disney's Snow White (2025) 40% 6.6/10 “The movie bends to Zegler’s talent not through its standard-issue imitation of what dopes will call wokeness, but by embracing its status as a musical.” – Paste Magazine Mar 19, 2025 Full Review Novocaine (2025) 81% 5.5/10 “Novocaine has a gonzo premise out of a Crank movie, yet it starts out surprisingly sweet before getting progressively dumber.” – Paste Magazine Mar 10, 2025 Full Review Black Bag (2025) 96% 8.0/10 “The experimental Soderbergh and the slick studio Soderbergh have long since merged, and Black Bag, a fusion of marriage and espionage that could have come out 80 years out with a few tweaks for content, is the perfect example.” – Paste Magazine Mar 6, 2025 Full Review Renegades (2017) 10% “The movie feels weirdly indifferent, even when it features elite soldiers stealing gold from an underwater city. ” – Decider Feb 21, 2025 Full Review Cleaner (2025) 50% 5.6/10 “In the end, it's not quite enough of a real action movie, stranded instead as a nebulously suspenseful “thriller,” by which is meant, a movie where exciting things keep threatening to happen.” – Paste Magazine Feb 18, 2025 Full Review The Monkey (2025) 79% 7.1/10 “What sometimes resembles a goof on Stephen King becomes a form of tribute to the author’s ability to mine terror from the mere facts of living.” – Paste Magazine Feb 18, 2025 Full Review Captain America: Brave New World (2025) 48% C- “In keeping with the MCU’s increasing insularity, the vast conspiracy is mostly just a collection of loose ends from other Marvel projects that doesn’t add up to much.” – AV Club Feb 15, 2025 Full Review The Gorge (2025) 63% 6.7/10 “In a weird way, its weaknesses only shore up its bona fides as a romance: Love is irrational, love lifts us up where we belong, love throws us into a misty pit full of bio-experiments gone horribly wrong.” – Paste Magazine Feb 14, 2025 Full Review Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy (2025) 88% 4.8/10 “Look, there’s nothing really wrong with a diluted return of a beloved character, even if what looked like endearing clumsiness at 30 plays more like Zellweger mugging up a storm 24 years later. Fans of the series will likely bask in the warm feelings.” – Paste Magazine Feb 12, 2025 Full Review Heart Eyes (2025) 81% 7.3/10 “This is a genuinely romantic comedy that twines the heart-fluttering mishaps of that genre with the scrambling, sweaty energy of evading a deranged slasher.” – Paste Magazine Feb 10, 2025 Full Review Dog Man (2025) 80% 7.0/10 “In another universe, the character might be terribly saccharine. Here, it’s the perfect counterbalance to the movie’s ample supply of bustling silliness, and one more sign that Dog Man knows its audience, and itself.” – Paste Magazine Jan 31, 2025 Full Review
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