This one's dead on arrival.

| Original Score: 1/5 | Jan 29, 2015

The jokes are astonishingly unfunny, splitting the cast between those desperate to please, and those looking to slip off with most of their dignity intact.

| Original Score: 1/5 | Jan 26, 2015

This wilfully terrible film marks a significant juncture in Johnny Depp's peculiar career. It is, to him, as the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand was to the Balkan League.

| Original Score: 1/5 | Jan 26, 2015

Compared to the mustachioed gurning going on here, Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow was a study in bleak Bergmanesque understatement.

| Original Score: 1/5 | Jan 25, 2015

With art-heist caper Mortdecai, Johnny Depp tries his darnedest to start a kooky Austin Powers-like franchise with a side of bumbling Insp. Clouseau. But dash it all if it isn't a crashing bore, old bean.

| Original Score: 1.5/4 | Jan 23, 2015

Depp's strenuously unfunny performance turns a frivolous caper comedy into a grim death march to the closing credits.

| Original Score: 1/4 | Jan 23, 2015

Go if you're a raging Anglophile with an afternoon to burn or you just love Depp, even at his hammiest. Otherwise, don't point this thing at you.

| Original Score: C- | Jan 23, 2015

The humour is puerile and idiotic, but you may laugh out loud in spite of yourself -- especially if you're familiar with the Carry On movies or the original Pink Panther.

| Original Score: 2.5/5 | Jan 23, 2015

Daffy, dated, and precisely as intended.

| Original Score: C+ | Jan 23, 2015

There was no laughter, just grim resolve on the part of those of us professionally obligated to stick it out through the bitter end.

| Original Score: D | Jan 23, 2015

[An] absolutely bewildering waste of time, talent, energy and money.

| Original Score: 0.5/4 | Jan 23, 2015

Every time Depp gave a phlegmy little stammer and jauntily uttered lines like, "I say, old bean," I wanted to bop him on the same with a rotten tangerine.

| Jan 23, 2015

It's exactly the sort of oddball trifle, like Hudson Hawk, that tends to attract the ire of baffled audiences and grumpy critics. It's also the sort of oddball trifle that, like Hudson Hawk, will put certain aficionados of silliness in a pretty good mood.

| Original Score: B | Jan 23, 2015

Resistible.

| Original Score: 2/5 | Jan 23, 2015

A whirlwind of horrible British accents, too much gagging and not enough good gags, and weak dialogue that, while not exactly terrible, is terribly boring.

| Original Score: 1.5/4 | Jan 23, 2015

Those who do find their way into this supremely silly action-mystery caper are in for a few grins if not laughs thanks largely to the deft - and daft - performance of Johnny Depp in the title role.

| Jan 22, 2015

Mortdecai is reminiscent of some of the wildly misfiring comedies that Peter Sellers used to make in the 1960s and 1970s - the worst of the Pink Panther films, or the star-studded fiascoes such as the 1967 Casino Royale.

| Original Score: 2/5 | Jan 22, 2015

Johnny Depp affects an accent that's so exaggeratedly British he sounds like a one-man Pimm's advertisement as Mortdecai, a dimwit toff art dealer with a taste for port and a moustache that would get him laughed out of Shoreditch.

| Original Score: 1/5 | Jan 22, 2015

Mr. Depp's wizardly expertise at disappearing into a character is intact. But what if that character isn't funny and hasn't an ounce of charm?

| Jan 22, 2015

The poster is awful. The premise is awful. To be frank, quite a lot about it is awful ...

| Original Score: 2/5 | Jan 22, 2015