So, John Carpenter's Vampires stinks, and "Paul Tatara's Review of John Carpenter's Vampires" won't be a review so much as it'll be a check list for posturing teenage boys.

| Feb 9, 2018

| Original Score: C- | Sep 7, 2011

A suspense-free snark-fest desperate to turn its protagonist - vampire slayer Jack Crow (James Woods) - into a Snake Plisskin-style icon of supernatural-badass cool.

| Original Score: C- | Jun 5, 2011

| Original Score: 3/4 | Apr 25, 2003

The movie has a certain mordant humor, and some macho dialogue that's funny... But the movie is not scary, and the plot is just one gory showdown after another.

| Original Score: 2/4 | Jan 1, 2000

Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4 | Jan 1, 2000

Full Review | Original Score: 1/4 | Jan 1, 2000

| Original Score: 3.5/5 | Jan 1, 2000

| Original Score: C- | Oct 30, 1998