The absolute definition of missable.

| Mar 30, 2020

One question remains unsolved when the credits roll: who on earth is this film for?

| Original Score: 2/5 | Mar 6, 2020

By its end, Fantasy Island is just another cautionary tale against remakes.

| Mar 6, 2020

What's left is a generic exercise in studio horror with little to distinguish it beyond the proper nouns in which it wraps itself.

| Original Score: 1/5 | Mar 4, 2020

Fantasy Island is distinctly sub-par filmmaking full of clichés and lacking in real entertainment value. No one would call this their ultimate fantasy.

| Original Score: 2/5 | Mar 3, 2020

The original show is such a simple, robust conceit that there was plenty of space and opportunity to do a contemporary reboot, but this Fantasy Island is no narrative dream destination.

| Original Score: 1.5/5 | Feb 20, 2020

The final third is a massive disaster that's bewildering in its narrative ineptitude.

| Original Score: 1.5/4 | Feb 19, 2020

You can see every scare coming from a mile away.

| Original Score: F | Feb 18, 2020

By the time this "Fantasy Island" arrives at its gallingly stupid final twist, you'll be dying to go home.

| Original Score: D | Feb 18, 2020

'This place doesn't suck,' someone observes early on. If only.

| Original Score: 1/5 | Feb 18, 2020

Contrived and loony, it feels like someone planted about a half-dozen different scripts all over this Fantasy Island.

| Original Score: 2/4 | Feb 14, 2020

If crimes against cinema merited prosecution, Blumhouse's Fantasy Island would go directly to death row. The only scary thing about this wussified, fright-free horrorshow is that it wants to spawn sequels. Stop it before it kills again.

| Original Score: 0/5 | Feb 14, 2020

The whole thing is completely nonsensical, even by the standards of what one might reasonably expect from a Fantasy Island movie.

| Original Score: 1/4 | Feb 14, 2020

It's predictable, oh so dull, and downright groan-worthy. The level of cheesiness will have your eyes rolling out of their skull.

| Original Score: 1/5 | Feb 14, 2020

Just wretchedly unenjoyable.

| Feb 14, 2020

Granted, one person's fantasy can easily be another's nightmare, but in this case, the likely effect on an even moderately discriminating viewer will merely be a nagging headache.

| Feb 14, 2020

The scares aren't particularly scary, the lessons aren't particularly compelling, and the ultimate resolution takes far too long to arrive at a conclusion that's far too pat.

| Original Score: 1/4 | Feb 14, 2020

Fantasy Island is even worse than you'd guess. Both artistically and intellectually, it's an absolutely bankrupt enterprise.

| Original Score: D- | Feb 14, 2020

Four intertwining fantasies, four stories' worth of lame ideas, poorly executed. Call it "De-Plane Crash." Call it "The Island of Dr. No-Thank-You." Call it "Worstworld."Call it "The Butterfly Effect," with a dead butterfly and no effect.

| Original Score: 1.5/4 | Feb 14, 2020

This, really, is what happens when you take all the wrong lessons out of film school.

| Feb 14, 2020